One Liners for Tropical John

Discussion in 'General Discussion / News / Information' started by mikerust, Sep 26, 2007.

  1. mikerust

    mikerust Ol'Timer

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    1-liners from the Edinburgh Festival:

    I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
    - Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms

    Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
    - Jimmy Carr

    The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
    - Chris Addison at the Pleasance

    My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most
    of our family holidays in Customs.
    - Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon

    The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died .... Dido must
    be sh*tting herself.
    - Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance

    My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.
    - Susan Murray at the Underbelly

    Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind
    people were given pointed sticks?
    - Adam Bloom at the Pleasance

    My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when
    I was two, cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.
    - Susan Murray at the Underbelly

    You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you,
    because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite
    flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh1t, I wasn't listening ... was it self-raising?"
    - Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms

    The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and
    punched someone in the face.
    - Jeremy Limb, at the Trap

    I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought
    the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
    - Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron

    Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
    Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
    - Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance

    Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
    winner and a loser at the same time.
    -Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms

    A talking dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job
    please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".
    - Steven Alan Green at C34

    It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
    - Chris Addison at the Pleasance

    If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a
    tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
    They're trained for that.
    - Milton Jones at the Underbelly
     
  2. tropicaljohno

    tropicaljohno Ol'Timer

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    Mike

    Does this mean you don't like my jokes then.....

    Well, I at least change them every Monday....
     
  3. daewoo

    daewoo Ol'Timer

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  4. mikerust

    mikerust Ol'Timer

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